Sitting on the porch under the cover of Fall, I wondered why the hummingbirds no longer came. The feeder was full, waiting patiently...... the air, almost still with a brief suggestion of movement. The feeder remained unattended, hinting at stagnation. Had the juice inside putrified? Did the hummingbirds know something that I did not? I wondered.
My dog lay curled at my feet, oblivious to the neighbors passing by. He appeared to be all barked out. Two women walked by, and he never even noticed. How did I know the two were mother and daughter? Their profiles were similar. The line of their neck the same. They walked at nearly the same pace, in syncopated rythym, the younger woman in front, the older woman trailing behind, making commentary on things as she passed them. Did anyone hear her, or should I say listen to her? Did she care? I wondered. When they first passed by going north, I noticed them in a cursory way and subconsciously filed the image of them walking.
When they returned, heading south, I cried. Something grabbed me deep inside and held me in its arms, tightly. The old woman paused and gazed upward just beyond the limbs of the trees that stretched towards the street. The vague confusion and momentary recognition fleeting across the old woman's face seized my heart, and I began to cry. She paused again and looked in the direction of my apartment. She never noticed me, but I noticed her, and I began to cry.
One could say that I saw her soul, and I wept. I wept, because I suddenly knew the very best of who I had always been. I saw her soul. I saw the way her lips trembled as she murmured. I saw the tenderness in her eyes and the way she hesitated, adjusted her glasses. I saw the way she continued on. I saw the softness of her cotton candy hair, the shimmering silky strands that moved in harmony with the breeze. I felt something tender inside of my heart come alive like a bud waiting for the signals of Spring. I saw her, and I wept. I wept as I remembered the loves of my life. One by one at first, and then in droves, they flooded my heart, uncontained. I saw them, and I wept. There were no longer any walls between my heart and my loves. I saw my mother, and I wept.
I need to write this story, I thought, and begin a blog in which to capture it and others. I will title it "Finding Soul". Just then, a hummingbird came, the first one in weeks. He came only once, and I know beyond a shadow of a doubt, he was a messenger straight from my soul's desire, straight from love. I will carry him with me through my day, and relish the moment of recognition I shared. I saw my mother. I saw my sister. I saw myself, and I wept
